In a previous blog I wrote about how my partner and family do not enjoy watching me struggle with ADHD; the inconsistencies, not maintaining focus and not helping myself "tune into" trigger points.
The most important thing I didn't mention is trust. Trust is one of the most important factor of any relationship. Without trust you have nothing. Well, I've broken the trust of my loved ones. Made numerous promises and not backed them up. So now the road to re-building trust is not an easy one, for the simple fact of not maintaining focus, not giving it top priority like I should.
The biggest thing that I'm supposed to be doing to build relationships that I'm not doing is initiating conversations in order to avoid slide backs. Initiating conversations about the hurtful things I've done and haven't taken ownership of but must. I'm also supposed to be expressing my feelings instead of keeping them bottled up. I must become better in loving myself so that I will improve upon rebuilding trust by proving that I'm worthy of being trusted. All by becoming better at communicating.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
The Positive & Negative Aspects of Medication
My journey with ADHD so far has been a real eye-opener. From the relief of finally being diagnosed to
figuring out which medication would best help me to manage my symptoms.
Medication for AAD/ADHD come in two main classes: the stimulants and the antidepressants. Because
I've been diagnosed with the inattentive type of ADHD my psychiatrist started me off with a stimulant called Ritalin, 10 mg three times a day. I tried this doasge for a week and during this time my mood swings were out of whack, loss of appetite, had trouble sleeping. Work schedule at the time and remembering to take the medication when required didn't really work for me because I would forget sometimes. The worst reaction of all was the drastic drop in body weight. Feelings of being focused, ready to tackle daily life was more like "being high as a kite", similar to someone "being high" on illegal drugs. Something I've never tried. The next drug that I tried was Dexedrine but the weight loss continued and it caused me to be on edge, paranoid all the time. Feelings of always having to be looking over my shoulder. Dexedrine wasn't very helpful in helping me to manage my symptoms.
After being on Dexedrine for a week back to the doctor I go to let him know that I need to try something else. My son was diagnosed with ADHD months before me and his pediatrician started him on the slow release form of Ritalin right from the start. I knew it was working for him so why wouldn't it work for me also. I shared this information with my doctor and asked if I can finally start on the same medication as my son. The slow release form of Ritalin known as Biphentin.
At first it was a matter of determining the right dosage amount to help me manage the symptoms. Currently, I'm taking 50 mg every morning followed by 10 mg immediate release Ritalin at 4 pm to give me an extra boost to stay focused in the evening. This dosage works for me, my biggest struggle has been to re-gain the weight previously lost when first starting on medication. I've re-gained my appetite, any time of day when I feel hungry I'll eat. As for my weight, despite not gaining as fast as I would like too, I've been able to maintain it.
Currently, I'm waiting for an appointment to speak with a registered dietician to see what suggestions he/she can offer with regards to diet in order to gain weight in a healthy way. Perhaps my metabolism could be the reason why I struggle with weight gain? Who knows? My only regret is not asking to seek advice from a dietician a lot sooner. I feel this meeting will be beneficial in helping to better manage ADHD. I will try whatever the dietician suggests with an open mind.
figuring out which medication would best help me to manage my symptoms.
Medication for AAD/ADHD come in two main classes: the stimulants and the antidepressants. Because
I've been diagnosed with the inattentive type of ADHD my psychiatrist started me off with a stimulant called Ritalin, 10 mg three times a day. I tried this doasge for a week and during this time my mood swings were out of whack, loss of appetite, had trouble sleeping. Work schedule at the time and remembering to take the medication when required didn't really work for me because I would forget sometimes. The worst reaction of all was the drastic drop in body weight. Feelings of being focused, ready to tackle daily life was more like "being high as a kite", similar to someone "being high" on illegal drugs. Something I've never tried. The next drug that I tried was Dexedrine but the weight loss continued and it caused me to be on edge, paranoid all the time. Feelings of always having to be looking over my shoulder. Dexedrine wasn't very helpful in helping me to manage my symptoms.
After being on Dexedrine for a week back to the doctor I go to let him know that I need to try something else. My son was diagnosed with ADHD months before me and his pediatrician started him on the slow release form of Ritalin right from the start. I knew it was working for him so why wouldn't it work for me also. I shared this information with my doctor and asked if I can finally start on the same medication as my son. The slow release form of Ritalin known as Biphentin.
At first it was a matter of determining the right dosage amount to help me manage the symptoms. Currently, I'm taking 50 mg every morning followed by 10 mg immediate release Ritalin at 4 pm to give me an extra boost to stay focused in the evening. This dosage works for me, my biggest struggle has been to re-gain the weight previously lost when first starting on medication. I've re-gained my appetite, any time of day when I feel hungry I'll eat. As for my weight, despite not gaining as fast as I would like too, I've been able to maintain it.
Currently, I'm waiting for an appointment to speak with a registered dietician to see what suggestions he/she can offer with regards to diet in order to gain weight in a healthy way. Perhaps my metabolism could be the reason why I struggle with weight gain? Who knows? My only regret is not asking to seek advice from a dietician a lot sooner. I feel this meeting will be beneficial in helping to better manage ADHD. I will try whatever the dietician suggests with an open mind.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Handling a crisis without feeling overwhelmed
From personal experience along with information obtained by reading regularly on the internet, I've come to the realization that there are more people in the world besides myself who are ADHD and don't like to be in situations of constantly feeling overwhelmed.
A health crisis occurred in my family in recent weeks and I had no choice but to step up my game knowing the extra responsibilities placed on me, there was no time for me to feel overwhelmed for anything.
It was a Thursday morning, my family and I were up going about our morning routine like we always do. Everyone was feeling normal no cause for concern right? Well it wasn't until my mother was getting her coat from the closet to leave for work that the day quickly changed from normal to "oh my god"!
Just as my mom got her coat from the closet, she had to immediately sit down on the coach. She had one hand on her chest, tears streaming down her face. So right away I asked "Mom are you okay?". She said "No, my chest feels tight, can hardly catch my breath". "I feel pain shooting out through my back and up my right arm". "I have no feeling in my right arm".
As soon as she explained to me what was going on I knew it was the signs of a heart attack. Dad was outside shovelling snow so I told Mom to stay put. I went to the door called out to Dad and explained Mom's situation, that he should take her to the hospital right away. He did just that.
At the hospital after a day of numerous tests. It turned out to be a mild heart attack which meant my mom had to spend a few days in hospital to be monitored and more testing. Going to St. John's for a dye test (cardiac catheterization) to determine how much damage had been to done to her heart and check for blockages. She's extremely lucky not to have any blockages.
During Mom's hospital stay I had full responsibility of keeping the house functioning, working, managing my own ADHD, keeping my son on track with his ADHD, his schoolwork, visiting mom at the hospital, and dealing with my dad who is unwilling to deal with reality.
I'm proud to say that there were tiny brief moments at night where feelings of being overwhelmed became feelings of being over tired. I was able to maintain focus on the important things. Proving to my mom that she can rely on me to come through for her in a crisis, like she has done for me. My mom's heart attack caused me to 'wake up' and see things in a different perspective.
A health crisis occurred in my family in recent weeks and I had no choice but to step up my game knowing the extra responsibilities placed on me, there was no time for me to feel overwhelmed for anything.
It was a Thursday morning, my family and I were up going about our morning routine like we always do. Everyone was feeling normal no cause for concern right? Well it wasn't until my mother was getting her coat from the closet to leave for work that the day quickly changed from normal to "oh my god"!
Just as my mom got her coat from the closet, she had to immediately sit down on the coach. She had one hand on her chest, tears streaming down her face. So right away I asked "Mom are you okay?". She said "No, my chest feels tight, can hardly catch my breath". "I feel pain shooting out through my back and up my right arm". "I have no feeling in my right arm".
As soon as she explained to me what was going on I knew it was the signs of a heart attack. Dad was outside shovelling snow so I told Mom to stay put. I went to the door called out to Dad and explained Mom's situation, that he should take her to the hospital right away. He did just that.
At the hospital after a day of numerous tests. It turned out to be a mild heart attack which meant my mom had to spend a few days in hospital to be monitored and more testing. Going to St. John's for a dye test (cardiac catheterization) to determine how much damage had been to done to her heart and check for blockages. She's extremely lucky not to have any blockages.
During Mom's hospital stay I had full responsibility of keeping the house functioning, working, managing my own ADHD, keeping my son on track with his ADHD, his schoolwork, visiting mom at the hospital, and dealing with my dad who is unwilling to deal with reality.
I'm proud to say that there were tiny brief moments at night where feelings of being overwhelmed became feelings of being over tired. I was able to maintain focus on the important things. Proving to my mom that she can rely on me to come through for her in a crisis, like she has done for me. My mom's heart attack caused me to 'wake up' and see things in a different perspective.
ADHD & Relationships
Relationships between two adults can be difficult at its best. Now throw ADHD into the mix whereby one partner has it and the other partner don't and it's a completely different complexity altogether.
I'm in such a relationship being the one with ADHD and my partner doesn't. He's one very special man, for not only does he have me as his ADHD partner but my son who is ADHD as well. My son is from a previous relationship before my current partner and I met.
It hasn't been easy for my non-ADHD partner to watch me flip-flop all over the place. It frustrates him to no end, seeing me not being consistent for more than 3 days, not backing up promises made. The biggest frustration of all is my lack of communicating, espeically about the important things related to our relationship. When I communicate it tends to be of a selfish and self-centered nature, never acknowledging his feelings or concerns. Often times I'm very quick to accuse him of not listening to me, when it's usually me not listening to him.
Throughout it all, from diagnosis to being on medication, learning to accept ADHD, still learning to control it, the relationship has many positive moments as well as negative ones. I choose to think of the positive instead of negative. It's all the wonderful things my partner does for me and my son. The little and big things he does to show how much we mean to him, despite us (my son & I) having ADHD is why he is such a speical wonderful man. Words cannot describe how much he means to us.
I'm in such a relationship being the one with ADHD and my partner doesn't. He's one very special man, for not only does he have me as his ADHD partner but my son who is ADHD as well. My son is from a previous relationship before my current partner and I met.
It hasn't been easy for my non-ADHD partner to watch me flip-flop all over the place. It frustrates him to no end, seeing me not being consistent for more than 3 days, not backing up promises made. The biggest frustration of all is my lack of communicating, espeically about the important things related to our relationship. When I communicate it tends to be of a selfish and self-centered nature, never acknowledging his feelings or concerns. Often times I'm very quick to accuse him of not listening to me, when it's usually me not listening to him.
Throughout it all, from diagnosis to being on medication, learning to accept ADHD, still learning to control it, the relationship has many positive moments as well as negative ones. I choose to think of the positive instead of negative. It's all the wonderful things my partner does for me and my son. The little and big things he does to show how much we mean to him, despite us (my son & I) having ADHD is why he is such a speical wonderful man. Words cannot describe how much he means to us.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
ADHD Friendly Jobs
It is my opinion that working at a fast food restaurant is not a ADHD friendly place to work. Here's my experience from having worked at a fast food restaurant.
Shift Work
Us ADHDer's need consistency and routine. A job that involves working various shift hours makes it difficult to maintain any kind of consistency and routine. The restaurant I used to work at, the hours of operation are from 7 am to 11 pm, seven days a week. I've worked every type of shift when employed there.
Scheduling
Inconsistency with the scheduling made it hard to maintain consistency. Never had the same schedule every week. Not knowing how many hours you would be getting each week made it difficult to work out a budget. Hard to make any type of plans with my family. No quality of life to be able to spend time with my family. Boss not having a set rotating schedule for employees to have weekends off. Boss changing shift on short notice is very inconsistent for someone with ADHD. Having to ask to have a weekend off.
There's more I could write about how fast food restaurants not being ADHD friendly places to work, however, these were my two biggest dislikes.
Despite the inconsistent scheduling and working various shifts, it was a good learning experience because I learned skills that I had never learned before and enjoyed being around most of the people that I worked with. I have since moved on to a more suitable job of working in retail. It's more relaxing, not as fast paced as fast food. The hours are better in the fact that it is daytime hours, only exception is that I'll have to work a 1-9 pm shift on Friday's once every 2 weeks which isn't too bad. The other days my hours are 10 am - 5 pm. Store isn't open on Sunday's my favourite of all. Also, there is a rotating schedule where employees have a Saturday and Sunday off.
So far I'm enjoying my employment at the retail store and not really missing the fast food restaurant. Well, I'll be honest in saying that I do miss some co-workers from the restaurant, most definitely don't miss the hours.
Shift Work
Us ADHDer's need consistency and routine. A job that involves working various shift hours makes it difficult to maintain any kind of consistency and routine. The restaurant I used to work at, the hours of operation are from 7 am to 11 pm, seven days a week. I've worked every type of shift when employed there.
Scheduling
Inconsistency with the scheduling made it hard to maintain consistency. Never had the same schedule every week. Not knowing how many hours you would be getting each week made it difficult to work out a budget. Hard to make any type of plans with my family. No quality of life to be able to spend time with my family. Boss not having a set rotating schedule for employees to have weekends off. Boss changing shift on short notice is very inconsistent for someone with ADHD. Having to ask to have a weekend off.
There's more I could write about how fast food restaurants not being ADHD friendly places to work, however, these were my two biggest dislikes.
Despite the inconsistent scheduling and working various shifts, it was a good learning experience because I learned skills that I had never learned before and enjoyed being around most of the people that I worked with. I have since moved on to a more suitable job of working in retail. It's more relaxing, not as fast paced as fast food. The hours are better in the fact that it is daytime hours, only exception is that I'll have to work a 1-9 pm shift on Friday's once every 2 weeks which isn't too bad. The other days my hours are 10 am - 5 pm. Store isn't open on Sunday's my favourite of all. Also, there is a rotating schedule where employees have a Saturday and Sunday off.
So far I'm enjoying my employment at the retail store and not really missing the fast food restaurant. Well, I'll be honest in saying that I do miss some co-workers from the restaurant, most definitely don't miss the hours.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Learning to live with ADHD
Oh my, I've just realized how it has been since my last blog. Which is why my topic for this blog is learning to live and cope with ADHD. My biggest struggle is maintaining a consistency, focus and overall organization. If I do not write in my daily journal of all the things that I have to accomplish then I'm totally lost and constantly going around in circles. Having a list helps me to stay on track. In writing daily lists for myself, I also have to write a list for my son to help him keep on track.
Being an adult with ADHD and a parent with a child who also has ADHD is one of the hardest challenges I've ever been faced with. Accepting the fact of having this disorder and teaching my son to do the same isn't easy. As an adult, family and friends have been accepting, understanding, and willing to help. As a parent, it's letting my son's school know of his condition, and how they should be helping him. To my surprise, I've come to learn that my son's school principal has an ADHD child himself, so he more than anyone there knows the struggles my son faces. My son accepts that he has ADHD but being 12 and in Grade 6, he's embarrassed for his peers to find out. My partner, mother and I have explained to him that the principals and teachers need to know so that they can do their job to help him with his education.
Medication while helpful in managing the symptoms has side effects. The side effect I like the least is weight loss, maintaining weight is another one of the struggles both my son and I face.
Being an adult with ADHD and a parent with a child who also has ADHD is one of the hardest challenges I've ever been faced with. Accepting the fact of having this disorder and teaching my son to do the same isn't easy. As an adult, family and friends have been accepting, understanding, and willing to help. As a parent, it's letting my son's school know of his condition, and how they should be helping him. To my surprise, I've come to learn that my son's school principal has an ADHD child himself, so he more than anyone there knows the struggles my son faces. My son accepts that he has ADHD but being 12 and in Grade 6, he's embarrassed for his peers to find out. My partner, mother and I have explained to him that the principals and teachers need to know so that they can do their job to help him with his education.
Medication while helpful in managing the symptoms has side effects. The side effect I like the least is weight loss, maintaining weight is another one of the struggles both my son and I face.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The Many Challenges of ADHD.
Challenges
Life since being diagnosed with ADHD hasn't been without challenges. First challenge has been to accept and deal with the fact that I have ADHD. I've always been the type of person who doesn't like to admit to having a problem or needing help of any kind. Especially, after spending most of my life not knowing I had this condition.
Other challenges have been harbouring feelings of anger and resentment towards the school system for letting me "fall through the cracks". Of course, the thought of of girls having ADHD never crossed their minds because girls like me were the quiet ones who sat in the back of the class twirling their hair, chewing gum (allowed in High School) and staring out the window.
I also had feelings of resentment towards my mother because I felt she had failed me as a parent for not pursuing the school system to have me assessed.
Lessons Learned
My having ADHD is no one's fault. I have learned to let go of the feelings of anger and resentment because it is unhealthy to have so much negativity. All of my life my mother has always had my best interests at heart. She went above and beyond to raise me the best way she knew how. I know for a fact that if the information about ADHD was available then like it is now, she would have gotten me the help. For her to raise an ADHD child in an era when ADHD wasn't well known, well she had her challenges and needless to say she was relieved when I was finally diagnosed.
Life since being diagnosed with ADHD hasn't been without challenges. First challenge has been to accept and deal with the fact that I have ADHD. I've always been the type of person who doesn't like to admit to having a problem or needing help of any kind. Especially, after spending most of my life not knowing I had this condition.
Other challenges have been harbouring feelings of anger and resentment towards the school system for letting me "fall through the cracks". Of course, the thought of of girls having ADHD never crossed their minds because girls like me were the quiet ones who sat in the back of the class twirling their hair, chewing gum (allowed in High School) and staring out the window.
I also had feelings of resentment towards my mother because I felt she had failed me as a parent for not pursuing the school system to have me assessed.
Lessons Learned
My having ADHD is no one's fault. I have learned to let go of the feelings of anger and resentment because it is unhealthy to have so much negativity. All of my life my mother has always had my best interests at heart. She went above and beyond to raise me the best way she knew how. I know for a fact that if the information about ADHD was available then like it is now, she would have gotten me the help. For her to raise an ADHD child in an era when ADHD wasn't well known, well she had her challenges and needless to say she was relieved when I was finally diagnosed.
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